Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
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