Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
