A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
