I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
