When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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