Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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