So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
