Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
