Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
