I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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