So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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