I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
