Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
