You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
