Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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