I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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