my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
