8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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