If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
These tits shall not be calmed
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
