I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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