Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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