How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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