peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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