I want to have your abortion
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
