This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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