I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize