U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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