Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
