pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
