I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
