This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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