Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
