I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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