Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
