Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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