lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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