someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
