I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
