my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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