Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
