Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
