Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
