so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
