All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
