Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
