I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
