Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
