Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
