I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
