You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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