Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
