the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize