Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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