Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
