omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
