Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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