i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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