If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
