True but thats because hes a fetus.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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