we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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