Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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