No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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