why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
