I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
