This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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