Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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