can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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