i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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