Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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