arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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