u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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