I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
