I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
