On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
