I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
